benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
