when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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