so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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