guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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