Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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