you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
