After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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