You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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