Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
