After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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