I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
