what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
