i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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