I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
