I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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