First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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