When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
