I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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