if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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