i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need to calm my uterus...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
