Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
