Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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