How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
