Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
