my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
