Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
