cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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