so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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