The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
