I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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