she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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