Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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