Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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