Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
