I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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