I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
