Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
