also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
