bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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