There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
