PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
