I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
