I'm passing your future prison.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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