I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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