I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
