Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
