Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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