1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He did a backflip because drugs
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
