IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
