I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
