in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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